help me help myself.

nikki's right, this scene's dead.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:13:14 GMT

redirect all lurkage to: lalalaurenjones.blogspot.com

calling you out to call you in

Tue, 29 May 2007 23:29:30 GMT

i felt real, sincere stress for the very first time in my life last night- at least i think so, anyway. of course there's been tons of times where i've felt overwhelmed or worried, but last night took the cake!
before i launch into some ridiculousness, let me just say, running errands as a pedestrian is completely irritating, frustrating and time-consuming at times.
first thing in the morning i went to gary allan to drop off my mandatory community service hours (because that requirement isn't clearly ironic and flawed) necessary to graduate, no probs, it's close, i walked.
come back home, and after a cute little breakfast date with my lovely at JCs, i bused it to central highschool pretty much, as that's where my doctor is...the most annoying thing about that minimission was that i waited longer to take the bus back home than i had waited in my doctor's office to see the bitch! how unheard of.
back home, hardcore study for the first part of my exam at night, a couple hours later go to the dentist.
all the while, my mind is freaking, trying to cram in all this study in order to get the sickest mark possible to ensure my mark is stable enough to keep me in university.
yeah, apparently my marks from my prior highschool career were so shit that they had the ability to drag two 90s down to a measly 78%, thus lauren's worry kicks into high gear before writing the exam last night once remembering this fact...
long story short- i wrote this exam and have never been so fucking nervous in my entire life! i've never sweat so much in class! not even during the hottest summer day! my friggin pen kept slipping out of my hand, and because of that, it added like twenty extra minutes! mr lang marked the shit, i thought for the first time in my entire life that i'd get close to perfect, as i always underestimate myself in test settings...and i wind up with 36.5/46! i instantly wanted to start crying.
the people i sit with are all the brainers, and so am i, i guess, and holy shit we were all so angry....it was a bad scene!
my dad picked me up, i was the last one to leave the entire school, and my head was just spinning as i waited...i felt drunk or high or fucked up in some way. my heart was still beating so fast and i was so so hot and sweaty. on the way to michael's i told my dad to pull into mcdonalds, and i wound up puking everywhere! totally hideous. i drank a whole bottle of water on the car ride and once i got to mike's apartment, i got out and puked again! so effed.
anyway, that's my story of truly feeling stress and it's more for me than you. i've included this in my livejournal to serve as a reminder to myself that THAT'S what stress is. since i always say "i'm so stressed!"...no no, THAT'S what's up and i'm not allowed to say that anymore.

how bizarre

Sat, 19 May 2007 20:11:57 GMT

one of our tiny fish got sick, so yesterday i busted my ass trying to make things right.
who knew? who knew fish could even get sick?
it was pretty shitty to see one of them all gross and slow and tired and ill, but after the hardcore clean and medicating i did of their environment, they are happier than i've ever seen them! they have a little pump that kinda acts like a waterfall, and michael told me today that they continuously get in the moving water's path and let it blow them around... and that's preeetty cute, if you ask me!
wanna know what's not cute? waking up at 630 for work, which i did today. being the total morning person that i am, all day long i was tempted to punch anybody's lousy head in. the real world's gonna kick my ass, i just know it. whatever. i hate not getting enough sleep.
tonight i get to see nikki and that is cause for excitement...so i'd better get my nap on so i can be a pleasant individual for this evening!
love bitches.
love, bitches.

mother teresa

Wed, 16 May 2007 23:55:37 GMT

doing a power-point has never been so inspiring.

it is what it is. let it go and live.

Fri, 11 May 2007 23:49:47 GMT

good advice

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 23:54:59 GMT

"it don't hurt to come clean with yourself."

b-day like beyonce

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:23:29 GMT

my birthday weekend has come to a close and i couldn't be happier!
like, four full days of the people i love, doing things i love (ie: shopping, eating a lot of food)!!!
friday was dinner with my parents and drinks with meg. both extremely fulfilling and lovely.
saturday was dedicated to an all-day mission that took place in toronto with my one and only. we bought so much shit and ate like kings...totally ruled!
sunday nikki and i celebrated the birth of me and the birth of our friendship and it was very cute and mad full of buffet, mandarin style.
and today i cuddled with stinkface aaalllll day long, then went to nightschool only to once again be reassured of how intelligent and talented i am!
life's right, you're not!
love love love all around me

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 23:11:53 GMT

somehwere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

e.e.cummings

man

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 02:40:50 GMT

livejournal....you bore me!
or is it that i bore you?
or do i simply bore myself?!
oh wait! who gives a shit.
yay<3

i didn't call to talk about the same thing we've talked about 700 times already

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 23:59:04 GMT

i'm not even sure it makes any sense, but as my 20th birthday approaches and is less than a month away, i'm pretty sure i now feel like an angst ridden teen more than i ever have before. maybe it's the braces.

who cares.
^ hahahahaha, SEE!
ahhhhh...fuckin kill me.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 19:49:51 GMT

yessss!
ryerson wants me toooooooooooooooooooooo
<3

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:27:32 GMT

i feel like shit for a multitude of reasons that span across a spectrum that encompasses everything from the cold i've been enduring for the last bunch of days, to waking up every morning with a slashed up set of inside cheeks (thanks braces!) to the mental/emotional woes of my own design.
i've been fully active in nightschool for a few weeks now, and i'd be dishonest if i didn't mention how great it feels to be following some form of structure in regards to my learning; something gary allan just cannot provide for me. and speaking of gary allan, i am disappointed in myself for "falling behind", although one enrolled there can't truly say that until it's the last day of school and their unit hasn't been completed. nevertheless, i'm not completing the course at a reasonable pace; all it takes is setting aside a few hours to complete half a unit- literally- and for whatever reason, i just haven't taken the time to do that lately. i suppose i'm still adjusting, or readjusting, to taking more than one course at a time, and it's especially difficult since they're not within the same system and are just two totally different methods...but, i don't want to continue making excuses, justifying, or sounding like i'm preparing for the worst, because i know when it's all said and done i will have finished both courses, and if i keep at it the way i have been- with some pretty sweet marks to boot! failure of any sort, in either class is not an option and just not something i'd tolerate at this point in my life, like i may have in the past.
in other news: i just wish i wasn't so impatient! <3

************* it's an hour and a half later, since my original post annnnnnnnnnnnnd i've opened my mail to find an early acceptance offer from mcmaster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! see you on the intellectual side, fuckerzzzzzzz!!!!!!

wait, WHOA

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 22:49:21 GMT

man what the fuck is UP livejournal!?
god, man...

yess

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 03:39:25 GMT

check it!
- got perfect on the last three assignments i handed in!
- applied to universities!
- enrolling in night school soon!
- got a raise at work- double digits, finally!
- new mouth starting monday!
- having the (seriously) hottest, most talented and supportive girl friends ever!
- having parents who believe in me!
- no trouble in paradise!
i don't even care about anything other than moving forward in a good way, right now.
i'm gonna keep this ball rolling!

if every thing is relevant, this is the version for the new millenium

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:24:05 GMT

imagine a version that involved Romeo going to meet Juliet at her all girls private school, where he waits outside a set of massive cast iron gates that are so big they almost look like they’re protecting the heavenly property from the rest of the universe. The building hums and glows and he waits cool and casually, twisting a piece of white string between his forefinger and thumb. a boom of lightening and a faint giggle, and he turns around to behold a million little angels come spilling out the front doors and cascade like a waterfall of sex and innocence down a massive column of marble steps. Romeo drops the string and clutches part of the gate with one hand and stares like he’s watching somebody get robbed: silent, still, jaw dropped. The bell is screaming loudly and an annoyed teacher waves a book in the background and shouts about not being done the lesson. Nobody gives a shit. of course, they’re all blond with bodies so perfect that not even Michaelangelo himself could carve curves so smooth.
watching and waiting, he knows he can pass off his gawking as a concerned scan of the crowd for Juliet, but he is without a doubt breathing in each and every one of the delicate steps taken by every female who passes him. It seems silly, but all of them have hair that twists and bends ever so lovely in the wind, like strands of spun gold. It seems even sillier, but all of them have breasts that bounce so slightly that it’s almost too precious to bare, and almost brings tears to his eyes. The pack of girls all seem to be coming at him at once, and with every step taken, their tiny uniforms are just sliding off of them in the rain. Every single one of them is perfect, and not one of them looks like Juliet.
"Dear god, am i a sinner?"

why doesn't anybody ever do a sweeter remake?

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:16:45 GMT

imagine a version that involved Romeo going to meet Juliet at her all girls private school, where he waits outside a set of massive cast iron gates that are so big they almost look like they’re protecting the heavenly property from the rest of the universe. The building hums and glows and he waits cool and casually, twisting a piece of white string between his forefinger and thumb. He hears a faint giggle and turns around to behold a million little angels come spilling out the front doors and cascade like a waterfall of sex and innocence down a massive column of marble steps. Romeo drops the string and clutches part of the gate with one hand and stares like he’s watching somebody get robbed, silent, still, jaw dropped. The bell is screaming loudly and an annoyed teacher waves a book in the background and shouts about not being done the lesson. Nobody gives a shit. Of course, they’re all blond with bodies so perfect that not even Michaelangelo himself could carve curves so smooth.
he notices this unlike anyone else and instantly smiles. watching and waiting, and he knows he can pass off his gawking as a concerned scan of the crowd for Juliet, but he is without a doubt breathing in each and every one of the delicate steps taken by every female who passes him. It seems silly, but all of them have hair that twists and bends ever so lovely in the wind, like strands of spun gold. It seems even sillier, but all of them have breasts that bounce so slightly that it’s almost too precious to bare, and almost brings tears to his eyes. The pack of girls all seem to be coming at him at once, and with every step taken, their tiny uniforms are just sliding off of them. Every single one of them is perfect, and not one of them looks like Juliet.

they're finally all mine!

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 04:35:24 GMT

my adorable and loving boyfriend got me these and they finally came in the mail yesterday!

i've also made some adjustments toward my attitude regarding this new year...it's about so much more than simply "change". although we've all agreed every change from here on out will be positive, this year it's going to be about growing up, becoming more independent, engaging in more thoughtful decision making toward matters of importance, taking better care of those who i love, taking better care of myself, and taking better care of my future.
i know we can do it.
so, watch out world!

sorry to disappoint.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 15:54:27 GMT

2007 is all about change, swift change apparently.
let's hope it's smooth sailing!

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 15:35:20 GMT

cool cool double cool
threw my binder
broke my pens
and i'm on my way to school

let's do this

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 17:07:32 GMT

i needed to catch up on sleep in a huge way today, so did and done!
i feel totally rested, and totally hungry.
i think i'm going to do some crafts today....
haven't tried my hand at anything creative in a while!
aw, single tear.
! <3

freaking out like george costanza

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 17:11:28 GMT

"it's like the colour purple; when you don't see it for a while and then you do again, it's just like you remembered it. but when it's red, it's special, memorable. you can go without seeing red for a long time, but when you finally do, it shines. we were red."

this was in a dream and it was said by a girl, except her voice was really mine. i was sitting in the backseat and just watched the reunion. maybe i tried to say something, i don't remember. they were happy, him especially, and maybe they didn't even know i was there, maybe they just pretended like i wasn't. we were driving in the dark, down a road that was lined with but nothing but black sky and a few dead plants. the headlights somehow lit the entire car up every once in a while, and during those times her face lit up and i swear to god i've never felt more hurt and never wanted to hurt so badly. such little tact paired with such excitement, i thought i'd wake up with my eyes waterlogged. if this shit were real, i would've thrown her out the car on a sharp turn and left her for dead in the desert. that's just how it's gotta be sometimes, i guess.

i'm a perfect piece of ass, like every californian

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:49:51 GMT

i've got the best kinda problem right now: i've got so much to do within the next little while, a lot of people are counting on me and i absolutely cannot let them or myself down, but the funny thing is i'm calm and feeling as though it's all very mangable. i am loving this! i can only describe this mood as comfortable, familiar, home. i've been utilizing my time at work in a much more personally efficient way lately, and that way consists of productive thinking...mostly about myself because i'm a narcassistic asshole, but also because i want to make some positive changes that will result in positive outcomes for myself and all those i care for!
today it occured to me that stress only kills if you let it, and i'm way too good looking to die at such a young age.
of course, there's a lot more to this than what i've said, but it's for me to know and you to find out!
shine on you crazy diamonds, shine onnnnnnnnnn!
that's my word.

unlikely, but sound advice

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 22:04:27 GMT

"sometimes you eat the bar, sometimes the bar eats you"

i can taste the ocean on your tongue

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 18:39:37 GMT

today i can't stop thinking about getting out of this city.
i'm thinking brazil, milan, tokyo.
somewhere inspiring, gorgeous; somewhere totally and utterly different than north america.
i want new weather patterns, new scenery, a new way of life.
i need more experience, more education that only living life and trying new things can provide.
maybe i'm just bored.

oh yeah! duh.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 03:29:31 GMT

i better remember this.